Angel Gowns of South Bay

If we are honest, there has always been bullying in school, at home, at work, and at places of play. But we have reached a tipping point where our young people are so inundated with negativity that the bullying needs to be stopped. Schools claim not to allow it, teachers pretend not to see it, and students are afraid to stand up to those bullying them. Ask most middle and high school students if they have been bullied, and they will tell you, yes, and if you are trusted, they might even tell you a story or two about their experience. After talking with teachers, counselors, school boards, superintendents, and city councils, I found that they were deaf to hearing about this problem, claiming that they have a “no tolerance” policy for bullying. What does that really mean? It means that each school has its own policy- there is no consistency between schools- and that they basically have students apologize, suspend them, have a parent conference, or transfer the student. Translated, that means that the apology means nothing, the suspension rewards a student with several days off from school, parents claim “Not MY child!”, or the problem is kicked down the road to another school.

California has the highest bullying rate in the country. We also have a terrible reputation for passing students forward when they are failing or not prepared for the next grade. Parents are increasingly unaware of what goes on in the schools, what their children are exposed to on a daily basis, what is being taught, and how their student is being treated by staff and by other students. Our schools don’t need more violence or a higher suicide rate-. The news is full of schools where someone comes onto a campus and kills people because they are hurting. We also hear about students committing suicide because they have been bullied and can’t take it anymore. These happenings destroy families.

THERE IS A SOLUTION

Here is a different approach to stopping bullying both inside and outside of school. As they say, it takes a village, a community, to make this happen. But it WILL WORK!

1. STUDENT COURT- this is made up of volunteer students from various schools. As a student is brought to a student court, the “make-up” of the court changes so that one facing the “court” does not face off with students from their own school. It guarantees more anonymity and fairness. A student is asked specific questions by the court of peers, such as “How does it make you feel when you treat someone like you have treated Student A?” or “What made you think that this behavior was okay?” Depending on the answers and sincerity of the student answering, the offending student may be released back to school with a warning. A second offense and appearance in the student court might bring a consequence such as being the escort for the student being bullied for a week, or two weeks or a month. That student would be safely escorted by the offender to class, PE and lunch, forcing them to walk in the shoes of their victim and protect them. Further violations would result in the writing of an essay, or series of essays, each becoming longer exponentially. The essay would have a series of questions to be answered- thinking questions, and would be written, by hand, in the counseling office. The essay would then be turned in to the counselor who would then red-line the essay for content, spelling, grammatical errors, etc. and return it to the student to be re-written. The value here is that the student has to read what they have written and reflect on it. When you read and rewrite something several times, the message should become ingrained. The first essay would begin at 200 words, the second- 400 words, the third- 800 words. In the process, the student also learns to be a better writer.

2 . OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL- so far, I have spoken with well over a dozen schools, youth organizations and community groups willing to provide a safe meeting space, dinner and programs for students being bullied. At these locations, the students would also have access to mentors and counselors as well as activities such as self-defense, cooking art and more, The students would be referred by either a teacher, counselor or PTA. These locations provide a safe space for those being bullied, and an opportunity to make new friends. Churches and other groups providing space would also be able to add students to the group that they know are being bullied. Referred students may attend for up to a year.

3. PTAs- Here is the hardest part. Parents do not want to admit that their student is a bully. Or, they may find that their child is bullying others because they, in turn, are being bullied. Or they may not want to admit that their behavior towards their child, at home, is actually a bullying behavior. Any way you slice it, parents are going to have a hard time being a part of the solution. One way is for the PTA to have events and speakers that help them recognize behaviors that are not acceptable, and learn skills to help students cope with being bullied. Even parents can be caught in the bullying loop, especially if they have a boss or supervisor who is a bully. For parents to learn coping skills can help break the cycle at home. When someone is hurt, they want to hurt someone back, and often the person to be hurt is weaker, more vulnerable, and not likely to strike back. Case in point- a Civil Air Patrol student was caught bullying several girls in his squadron. When brought in with his parents by the squadron commander, it was discovered that he was being bullied at school, and it made him feel better to hurt someone else, like he was hurting.

The amount of disrespect being shown to teachers, let alone other students, is appalling. The foul language, the violent behaviors, and the defiance of authority have no place in school, let alone in the community. Civility has been thrown to the winds. Even our politicians display such disregard and disrespect in their clawing for recognition and power that they have lost sight of the fact that they are there to serve the people who elected them. They are poor role models at best. So who can students really look up to? US. Parents. Teachers. Group leaders. Pastors. Let US draw the line in the sand and help our students be the best that they are capable of being. They are worth our time and energy. After all, the fate of the world depends on them… no pressure there…

NOVEMBER 2023

UCLA MATTEL CHILDREN'S HOPITAL

757 Westwood Plaza, Los Angeles, CA 90095

OCTOBER 2023

POMONA VALLEY HOSPITAL MEDICAL CENTER

1798 N Garey Ave, Pomona, CA 91767

SEPTEMBER 2023

DIGNITY HEALTH, ST. MARYS MEDICAL CENTER

1050 Linden Ave., Long Beach, CA 90813

AUGUST 2023

PIH GOOD SAMARITAN HOSPITAL

1225 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90017

JULY 2023

DIGNITY HEALTH NORTHRIDGE HOSPITAL MEDICAL CENTER

18300 Roscoe Blvd, Northridge, CA 91325

WE ARE THRILLED TO WELCOME THE HOSPITAL OF THE MONTH

 DIGNITY HEALTH NORTHRIDGE HOSPITAL MEDICAL CENTER 

Northridge Hospital has been named Hospital of the Month for July 2023. They have received their initial package of Angel Gowns and are delighted to be featured. Brian Hammel, President of Northridge Hospital Foundation, expressed gratitude for the program and praised the beautiful gowns. The hospital's generosity and partnership in Helping Families with Dignity and Compassion is greatly appreciated.

Pictured here are Liberty, Manager of L&D and Gina, Director of NICU and PICU.